I became a mother at the young age of 19. My boyfriend of a couple years and I had just moved into our very first apartment and were attending college and working full time. A week after he proposed, we got a positive pregnancy test! My boyfriend is now my husband and that tiny baby making me feel nauseous is now a 7 year old girl.
Throughout my pregnancy I felt embarrassed, stressed, worried, and often times found myself only able to focus on how other people stared at me in stores, restaurants, and especially in the waiting room at my Ob/Gyn. Not only did I receive backhanded comments from random strangers, but sadly I received them from the people I looked to for guidance about how to be a mother. The people who were supposed to be my support provided information with condescension and a judgmental attitude. Those people included my doctors, the nurses in the obstetrician's office, the instructors at breastfeeding classes, car seat safety classes, and employees at the baby stores when we asked which bottles were best. For example, in our birthing class we were told, "There is no way you'll have an unmedicated birth. You will be getting an epidural. You're young and this is your first baby." How does that inspire confidence in an 8 month pregnant teenager? That comment came from the childbirth educator herself.
During the last month of my pregnancy I was told by my doctor that I needed to be careful about not "letting myself go" after pregnancy. He made it clear that my priority should be my appearance and my "duties" to my husband should never fall to the wayside. How inappropriate.
Thankfully, our Ob/Gyn had a few midwives. One of which I really bonded with and to our great pleasure, she was the one on-call who delivered our daughter. She always treated us like parents- not like dumb kids who made a dumb choice. The respect and support she gave us allowed us to be better parents. I felt safe enough to ask the right questions and she made me feel like I could trust my maternal instincts. (Shout out to you Michele, you were my guardian angel!)
The discrimination did not end after my daughter was born. Every playgroup, pediatrician visit, and grocery store run I was flooded with rude comments and eye rolling. This really had an effect on my self-esteem and confidence as a mother. I felt lonely, isolated, and embarrassed. I wanted to be a GREAT mom for my baby, but my community, my "village", wouldn't let me.
My point in sharing this is that I have come a long way from that nervous pregnant teenager. It fueled my passion for birth and led me to discover holistic birthing options and how to advocate for myself and my baby. The next pregnancy, which we planned for, I was 21. This time I came prepared. We hired a fantastic doula, scheduled all of our prenatal appointments with the same midwife from before, and we knew what our choices were for labor and birth so we would not be pushed around.
My own experience as a teen mom has really shaped my entire life. If it wasn't for the mistreatment in my first pregnancy I never would've been led to birth work. I am so grateful for my daughter and the life lessons she has taught me. She is a gift.
If you are a pregnant teenager I want you to know that I will be that safe space for you. As your doula, I will help you get the information you need to have a great pregnancy and set you up for a fulfilling and successful motherhood journey. I will trust your instincts and give you the support and respect you deserve.
When we treat teen moms like dumb kids who made a dumb choice it makes them feel a variety of negative emotions. Every emotion the mother feels, her baby also feels. When we spend 9 months telling a teen mom that she doesn't know squat about being a mother and that she isn't ready, it sets her up for failure. When the baby finally comes she will feel so deflated and down on herself it will directly affect the way she cares for her baby.
If you are a loved one of a teen mom I encourage you to lift her up. The baby has already been created and it is our job as her village to give her the resources she needs to succeed, because when the mother is happy, calm, and confident her child WILL reap the benefits. Supported, educated, informed moms make GOOD moms.
If you are a pregnant teen or a family member of one, please reach out to me directly to learn more about my program for teen moms. I'd love to hear from you!
"Being a young parent means we met a little early. But it also means I get to love you a little longer. Some people said my life ended when I had a baby, but my life had just begun. You didn't take away from my future, you gave me a new one." -unknown
2014- 19 years old
2015- 20 years old
2016- 21 years old
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